Work-In-Progress

I got asked twice today by two very different people when I would be writing my next blog. The fact that this little thing actually stays in people’s minds is an unnecessary power-up to my self-confidence, which has slowly been trudging to borderline narcissistic levels. I had an incredibly busy couple of months, with many 12-hour plus workdays, working holidays and packed weekends. Counting my blessings, for I remember feeling so empty and bored, with so much free time on my hands that I decided to start a blog, just over an year ago.

Taking some time to observe inwards, I learnt that I love conversing. I hate cooking, but I manage to enjoy it when I pretend that I am on a cookery show. It doesn’t help that in my imaginary show, the water in the curry leaves mixed with the heated coconut oil creates a tiny Diwali scene in my kitchen. The food I cook with my own hands, as close to my mother’s or grandmother’s food I can barely get, still tastes better than any oily food-colouring-filled parcels from the restaurants nearby. I also got scammed when ordering pre-paid pick-up from a restaurant that simply did not exist, and Foodpanda saying “nyah-nyah, we can contact the restaurant so no refund for you” meant I uninstalled the app in a fit of rage and had to start with the dal-chawal.

I also hate brushing my teeth or doing skincare (I like buying skincare in pretty bottles though). Again, pretending I am on a Vogue Beauty Secrets video sharing my non-existent routine to the world helps me to get out of bed to actually do it. I don’t think I remember a time that I didn’t live in a world of my own, my father’s common chiding comment was “look at the road when you are walking and not your grandfather (in heaven)”. It sounds a lot more cutting in Konkani. Nevertheless, this insanity is what keeps me sane in a demanding job and a bachelor apartment. I was telling my mother today that if I were a man, I would be quite the eligible bachelor (the payoff of this hectic life?). She tells me I am not tall enough at 5’8’’. Oh well.

At 50, she is on a self-growth journey herself. She’s signed up for an online yoga class, from an instructor in the States, mind you. She is doing intermittent fasting- or as she says it, "inter-mint-ent-ent fasting". I love hearing people who learnt English as a third or fourth language, well into their secondary school. They manage to get the message across with their own unique twist. Just as I enjoy learning new Singlish words, there is so much spice the locals add into the usual bland English. Moreover, have you noticed how many who speak English as a second language speak it like their first language (with the tonality and the stress on syllables)? Maybe I am just defining heavy accents here but it is so incredible to watch, be it Japanese, Malayali or French.

And then there are days where I realise no matter how much I picture it, the “moment” is just not happening. There aren’t any “core memories” being unlocked. I am just living, or existing even. I try uninstalling Instagram and fail miserably. I try being regular at the gym again and fail miserably again. I try sleeping 7 hours, drinking enough water, cutting on impulse spending and LOL. These YouTube influencers who promise one month self-improvement challenges really haven’t seen how lazy a sleepy Kochi girl can be.

Another June 11th came and went. My sister landed home after completing her university, exactly in time for her 21st birthday and my parents celebrated 26 years of arguing over who has to take the kids to the doctor. Sometimes, it scares me how old I have gotten, the memories of being 10 or 15 or even 20 feel so far back in the past, completely out of reach. I recently found a cereal I had once -when I was 14, in the quaint town of Tunbridge Wells, while sitting in my exchange family’s kitchen for breakfast. Golden Grahams with Honey, I loved it and never found it again until I randomly walked into a fancy Cold Storage last week. It’s almost like I have lived so many characters as I evolved as a person myself, in different cities with different groups of people around me. Is this current version the stable state, or is there more to go? From enjoying the Yoga periods in school where I basically snoozed to doing one legged poses in the middle of the beautiful Marina One’s The Heart, how time flies. Except when the trainer is counting down on that pose.