Stage of Chaos

If you are a medium-term reader, you already know I am averse to the idea of having kids. As in, I enjoy their company and am more than happy for other capable people to have them, just not me. Today really reaffirmed that. All those management skills that are rusting post MBA are almost useless when you are in charge of kids. I may be able to manage a team of adults my age, but I do not know what to do with a crying six-year old. I used to, when my sister was that young but you know, she was MY sister. I could say or do anything to shut her up, and we already had occasional trust in each other. Anyway, I had opened my Whatsapp chats after my vacation earlier this month to realise I have a music performance today and I am group leader, mainly cause I am the only adult in the performance. And here we were backstage after one solitary rehearsal. It was a good performance vocals wise, but somewhat confusing coordination wise, and I await four pictures of me where I look utterly confused as the cues were in a completely different order from what we practiced. Nothing new, and honestly, no one in the audience would have realised or so I hope.  

Watching all those kids with their parents, adjusting their little anklets and dance costumes, admiring their own alta covered hands, and the parents fretting over a pesky hair slide or a water bottle that promises to remain unseen by the end of the day; all of it simultaneously reminded me how old I have gotten but also how joyous my childhood was. You see, my competitiveness is inherited from my mother who made sure both her kids went to every competition in Kochi, regardless of what it was. We would show up to full-day events where we were sometimes just winging it, and I am always grateful to her for making sure stage fright never reached us. At that age, that is what a stage should be for - showcasing your talent but also learning how to be comfortable in front of a large group of people. Even if you do not plan to be a performer later, I am sure it helps develop some thick skin and confidence, apart from team spirit and hardwork. And yes, of course, walking backstage again between aux wires and curtains took me back to Decibel. Gosh, putting a performance together really brought out some …”craziness” in me (I am being kind to myself here) but I can rest knowing all my teammates are sweet and cordial to me even today. Nothing beats a good post-performance jam and party, not even a Jet2 holiday. 

In the past two weeks I have done quite a few things for the first time. I am usually pretty solid on flights, but in the recent Delhi - Singapore flight I had to use an air sickness bag before the plane had even begun taxiing into the runway. Cue a bunch of confused Singaporean flight attendants who were super worried I had food poisoning - a valid concern as they had to fly with me for about six more hours, as I tried to reassure them its a one time thing from driving down in loops down a mountain with a half-empty stomach. More recently, I tried playing tennis for the first time. I had a lot of fun, I don’t think I can say the same for the two very patient people who were trying to teach me to actually hit the ball within the court. Tennis will now go on the indefinite list of activities I need to give more time to, right by yoga, swimming, reading, journaling, budgeting etc. I will get to them all I am sure, slowly, but surely. 

I had listened to a podcast recently about what it takes to be creative, in this age where a “forum” or an “audience” is more easily accessible through social media. I think of those classical dancers and singers who dedicate their whole life to their crafts, sometimes even dying penniless. I think of the talented people I know who’ve left their paintbrushes or instruments behind, to prioritise making a livelihood or caring for their families. But does it ever truly go away? Being creative, in my opinion, is being very true to yourself. Nothing can stop an artist, it is going to be in your DNA. Maybe you express it through sports clubs on the weekends with colleagues, or through a new sports-based podcast on your feed. Or maybe you go back to music and dance classes well into your adulthood, like the women above 60 that I saw in the performances today. Or maybe you write a blog so regularly, because otherwise you just might lose your mind. No, scratch that, that part is not true obviously.