DIY Decade

I just watched a new movie on Netflix, a significant step away from my Brooklyn Nine-Nine reruns. It was a good movie too, with typical tier-2 Indian mindsets and a rewarding retort against it. There was time for the movie because the relentless  rat-racing had taken another toll on my health, six months after the last one, and I had resigned to my bed having canceled four plans this weekend and declined two more. It’s nice to know I have so many people looking out for me though, I like the feeling of being seen, noticed and appreciated.- who doesn't? Although the rat race analogy comes from my sister who literally called me a hamster on a wheel. I had just returned from my fifth trip to Hong Kong (time flies!), and by this time, the scavenging of local food and desserts had slowed down. As much as I despise the transit part of travel, I enjoy exploring new cultures and cuisines, but clearly that wonder is limited to the first few visits. By now, the novelty had worn down slightly (not completely, the city with the most skyscrapers in the world can hardly be underwhelming). In fact, I decided to appreciate the facilities of my stay and eat an in-hotel breakfast for the first time. I used to identify as an extrovert my entire childhood and teenage years. Have I switched roles, to an introvert, when the thing I look forward to most is the comfort of my own home these days?

This month marks ten full years of moving out of my parents’ home. I have lived in hostels, PGs, shared apartments, dorms, studios and now this comfortable HDB flat. What have I learnt in these ten years? I know how to set up a home from scratch, my parents only dropped me to the Kochi airport when I moved to Ahmedabad and to Singapore. Sometimes I listen to stories of both parents coming over to help an adult man set up his place and I get it, its the first time he has moved out, but for me its surprising as someone who has done this by herself since she was twenty. Don’t worry, I am not judgemental, just observant. At the same time, I am glad to have parents who let me run the show and are proud to see it as well. Not only relocation expertise, I also have grown up so much in these ten years, maybe more than I would have expected. Seventeen year old Aishwarya would look up to me and be so proud, I am exactly where she wanted me to end up, a lot of hard work and luck played a role there. But I am also a different person in terms of my world view. I am less excited, less easy to impress, less rebellious, way more practical while still holding onto some delusion. However, I am clearly lot more of a stressed anxious worker bee than I anticipated. Where is the girl who would walk in to the exam, realise she studied the wrong subject, casually answer the paper and still leave with an A; or miss the alarm, walk in one hour late through a quick excuse and leave with 80%? If either of those things happened to me today, would I handle it? Yes. Would I be so cool about it? Probably not. Although the heightened level of critical awareness might be ten years of being responsible for my own safety and well being taking a toll. 

Meanwhile, life goes on. The weather fluctuates between sun and rain here in Singapore. After a tiring month of May, the second half of June is slowly easing in to a normal pace. My baby sister is another year into her early twenties, my parents wedding another year into the late twenties. A couple of weekends ago I had gone to my music class. It is held at a building operated by a Sikh association. There was a Malay Muslim wedding and a Buddhist Vesak Day program happening at the same time, while me and my Hindu teacher went through the ragas in one corner room. It felt like I was in some racial cohesion advertisement and I was very impressed. Meanwhile, I was not impressed by my own lung capacity when I attempted my first 5k run. At one point it seemed like my legs had changed material to hard stone. At this age, the thrill and excitement of trying as many new experiences/hobbies/food as I can has subsided, and now I want to be better at a few things I can leisurely enjoy. Is this wisdom? I would hope so, as it was a long time coming.